Alex's Adventures

My adventures in surviving life

Cat Scratch Fever

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November 1st, 2010 Posted 11:12 pm

It’s been a while since I sat down and actually wrote a short story. I’ve been having crazy nostalgia lately so most of my thoughts and dreams have been about memories, but a few weeks ago I had an awesome dream, one where I’m actually laughing when my alarm goes off and wakes me up instead of trying to throw the damn thing out the window. And it inspired the beginning of a short story that I have been jokingly  calling my Great American novel. And just like the inspiration that came, it was quickly out the window again. I have an idea of where this story is going, I just have to find the right words to get me there. So here’s the beginning of it. Any fun comments, thoughts, or interpretive  pictures will be gladly accepted. =)

Coral Leigh opened the door to her apartment, threw down her purse and keys. Kicking off her shoes, she sat down on the couch to greet Adonis, who had been waiting for her all afternoon.

“Another stupid day of work, thanks God it’s the weekend. I don’t know what goes on that the receptionist’s mind, but somehow she likes to make her job and mine a lot harder than it needs to be.”

Adonis stared back at her, giving her a little nod to continue her story. He liked to listen to her talk, but responding only if she asked him a question. It was a silent agreement between the pair that had made them so compatible.

“You know, Don, I wonder what I’m doing at that job anyways. I mean she seriously suggested we celebrate Boss’s Day? Like isn’t every day Boss’s Day? Especially her, it’s no wonder she can afford the things she does with the tricks she turns. Well, I’m not whoring myself like that. I’m waiting for Mr. Right. He will come soon. I just know it.”

Adonis’s green eyes watched her tousle her hair as she smiled. kissed him affectionately on the nose and winked at him.  He wanted to express his deep affection for her, but there was something caught in his throat. Not only the words, but something bigger brewing…

“Awww, Adonis, that’s gross!” She yelled and ran for the bathroom. Coral Leigh returned with a rag and carpet cleaner. “You know, if you’re going to heave up hairballs, do it on the tile please.”

The cat lowered his head in apology, and began licking himself clean.

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Boss’s Day, the other B-Day

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October 15th, 2010 Posted 10:56 pm

Did you know today was boss’s day? I didn’t either because its not a real holiday!

But apparently our Admin Assistant thinks it is. She whispered to me early this morning that we and my cubicle partner, Mij, should get balloons and gift cards. So I say, “Yea that’s a great idea, I’ll pull out some money at lunch.” But noooo. Admin “genius” has this fantastic idea, but she has no time on her lunch. Can’t I go get balloons and cards for both bosses?

I said I’d talk about it with Mij. Mij is already late and irritated because her mom was being needy this morning and she is like WTF when I tell her we’ll be the ones getting the celebratory items today but finally agrees that she needs a break anyways.

So I go on my lunch and battle another woman at Hallmark searching for the “right” cards and then my boyfriend calls me because left his keys at work and he can’t get in the apt. LOL. I go home and make us some sandwiches and by the time I sit down to eat mine, it’s time to get back in my car and drive to work or else I’m going to be late. Fuck it, I’ll just be late. I’m cramping and PMS-ing and not in the mood for any more BS today.

When I get back to work, I show the Admin “genius” the cards I bought. Then she asks me, “What about John?

What about him? Well, didn’t I get John something too? Now why would I get the Marketing guy something on boss’s day? He’s not my boss. If I get John something, then I’d have to get all the managers something. I didn’t even want to get something or even spend any money today. This wasn’t even my idea. Why don’t you do it????

When she comes back from lunch she tells me this story about how she had to go to four different stores to find something for Boss’s Day.
Me: were u going to get the balloons?
Admin “genius”: Could we just get them at the same place?
The Vons in La Verne has a nice card and balloon section.
Or maybe Mij could run out while Linda is at lunch.
I just won’t have time today!
Me: hmm, thats not how i wanted to spend my lunch today. but i will talk to Mij
Admin “genius”: Yea, I understand.
We don’t have to do anything.
Me: ill see how much time i have on my lunch and Mij’s
Mij: daaang  u laid it down wit the ” thats not how i wanted to spend my lunch today”

FML >:( grrr.

But in the end, the Admin assistant pitched in some money. And the thank you from my boss made it totally worth it. She was gushing and smiling and even had the card opened on her desk the rest of the day.

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Under the Milky Way

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October 15th, 2010 Posted 12:26 am

Sometimes when this place gets kind of empty,
Sound of their breath fades with the light.
I think about the loveless fascination,
Under the milky way tonight.

-The Church

It’s haunting me
sayings “Alllllex, this is all a dream.
You don’t really have this job, apt, boyfriend
You are 21 and unhappy…again

September 29
The week had been sweltering hot, extremely stupid for September, when the heat would seem more appropriate in July or August. My apartment only has the one wall unit of A/C in the living room, which provides no relief to my bedroom. So once again I am forced to drag my mattress out into the living room and turn up the air.

But at 3 a.m. the room had changed on me. I’m not sure what it was, but it seemed different than it was three hours earlier. Under the Milky Way was playing on the radio. I recognized that. I was sweating and a little dizzy, hot and thirsty. Shadows thrown against the walls deceived me. I stared at the ceiling and thought of all the other times I’ve stayed awake and looked up at the ceiling: insomnia at the parents’ home, waking up in the middle of the night at another’s house. And I can’t get up or make noise or do anything buy lay there quietly and collect my thoughts.

Laying in bed uncomfortable and sweating is nothing new and I began to float into memories of the past of summers good and bad. It was a random summer day, sometime in middle school. After a cold shower I put on the A/C. My hair felt like icicles framing my face. It was so freezing, but relaxing. Then my dad came home with Subway sandwiches and we watched Star Wars Episode 4.

Fading to summer after 9th grade, I walked hand in hand with this jewish boy I liked to the bowling alley for some 99 cent bowling. Then forward to 21, staring at the ceiling, thinking that I need to leave my boyfriend instead of sleeping over here. And what was I doing here anyways?

And then I had the sudden urge to go home. To the parents’ house. I kept thinking, “I shouldn’t be here, I should be in my own bed at home with my parents.” But I was in my bed! This was my mattress and I was home. I have been living here for one year. But that’s not what my brain was thinking. It was thinking, “I have to drive home, my parents are worried about me.”

I looked over at my boyfriend sleeping and for a second didn’t recognize him: his hair, his breathing his feet peeking out of the sheet.

“Ut oh, now I’m really in trouble. What would my parents say to me coming home so late on a weekday?”

And then came a horrible thought: You don’t really have this job, apt, boyfriend.
You are 21 and unhappy…again.

What was going on?

Llike hellooooo I’ve been living here for a year and all of a sudden I was homesick? I think the prospect of possibly moving soon has gotten to me and my nerves and errupted into breif amnesia. The hot weather sent me back, like Scrooge, through memories of summers past from last year all the way back to middle school. I just kept thinking, my life is so different from what it used to be: last year, two years ago, five years ago. But all those memories are in the past.

I think my nerves and the weather were getting to me. So I crawled onto the couch, layed directly in front of the A/C and slowly fell asleep next to Dora.

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woot! Mortimer & Monte

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August 31st, 2010 Posted 11:35 pm

My new favorite video/song. Eeee! Perfect to cheer me up on another lousy last day of the month…May, June, July and now August. Why does the last day of the month always suck for me???? September please break this stupid curse!

P.S. Hawaii blogs to follow…soon

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Remembering Renee

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July 28th, 2010 Posted 11:04 pm

Christmas visit with the Grandparents

I wrote this eulogy honoring my grandmother who passed away last week. Tomorrow is her wake, where my dad will be giving this speech I wrote for him. I love you, Grandma. My mom says I walk just like you and that we have the same butt. Every time I pass a mirror, I’ll think about you. 😉

Thank you for joining us tonight to remember and honor a remarkable woman. Renee Dumont Lozano Guiterrez was born November 5, 1927 and returned to Heaven on July 23. Some of us called her “Mom,” and to our children, she will always be “Nana.” But whatever you called her–she was a woman whose smile and spirit has touched everyone around her–and has brought all of us together this evening.

Mom was 82 years old, but had a youthful spirit and liveliness in her that could never age. Growing up I remember Saturday nights at our house were filled with the sounds of music, laughter and there was always dancing. This is how I’m going to remember her. Mom never needed a reason to celebrate because her whole life was a celebration.

In every photo taken, Mom was grinning from ear to ear with pride and affection for her family. Her family made her proud. She encouraged us with her love to be the best people we can be. She believed in working hard, getting an education and showing the world that we weren’t a bunch of dummies, but rather, as individuals, we were destined to change the world. She was a loving, but strict mother. You knew to watch out, because if you stepped out of line, she was going to hit you with a chankla.

Mom loved her husband, children and grandchildren, and of course, turtles. She showed all of us love, whether it was with a hug, kiss, piece of food or something to drink. Let me tell you, Mom could make a cup of coffee like nobody else, the secret ingredient was love.

In my early years working the graveyard shift, if there was a party that night, or if they just missed me, Mom and Dad would stop by and bring me something to eat. I was a lucky guy to have my own mother bringing me lunch in the middle of the night.

Mom was my first introduction to the world of buses, which would later extend into a 30-year career in public transportation. I remember our home in Monterey Park: Mom and I would ride the bus together to get groceries. I was little at the time and couldn’t carry more than 2 bags. I remember the ugly green bus we rode, that “smelled ugly” because of the diesel. Back then it was a common experience, riding the bus to the store, but it would be a memory I would never forget. Later in life I would go on to join one of the most pretigious transportation systems in the region. One of Mom’s proudest moments wasn’t when I got hired into the RTD/MTA, but when my two younger brothers followed me there. Of course she would tease me and say the buses never worked, but I knew she was pleased.

Mom got in the car of life and rode it full blast. And even when the wheels came off, she kept on going. Mom would not allow anything to stop the celebration of life, even when she was sick and in and out of the hospital. She would tell us, “Go on, live life.” Mom did life her own way, but she always believed in family first. The door to her home was always open. And when we grew up and got married, we left the house, but never the home Mom created for us. She reminded all of us that she would always be there for us.

And tonight we are here for you, Mom. We are remembering you on this day, and are comforted by so many memories of the past. Always in our thoughts, and Forever in our hearts.
I love you.

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Fail

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July 5th, 2010 Posted 12:59 pm

What is wrong with you?

Wow. Are you kidding me? Even your own address is wrong on your letterhead! No wonder you couldn’t get my address correct. Come, on! Get it together Merch Lackey.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Where’d all the good people go?

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July 5th, 2010 Posted 12:38 pm

Dear Jack Johnson, having your merchandise sent to me in 3 plastic bags is not very eco-friendly. You tard!

Alexandra Lozano
(address)

July 6, 2010

Jack Johnson Music Online Store
c/o Merch Lackey
8510 Production Ave.
San Diego, CA 92121
United States
858-408-9982

Re: Order (#)

To Customer Service Manager,

I am sending back this shirt that was incorrectly sent to me on June 29.

On June 27, I purchased a Jack Johnson “White Campbell” Girly Tank. When I received the package, the receipt said “White Campbell” Girly Tank, but the shirt I received was the the “White Canham” Girly T-shirt.  Not only was the item I received wrong, but my apartment number was missing from my address and UPS could not ship my package to my apartment, instead I had to pick it up in person. This was extremely inconvenient. I e-mailed my concerns to orders@merchlackey.com and never received a response. When I called on June 30 to notify Merch Lackey that my order was incorrect, I informed the person handling my order that my address was incorrect and gave her the apartment number. When I received the correct shirt, my apartment number was again missing and I had to drive 10 miles once again to retrieve my package from the UPS center.

I am extremely dissatisfied with the customer service I received from Merch Lackey. My order was wrong, it didn’t get shipped to my correct address and when the order was corrected, it still didn’t get shipped to my apartment because my address was incorrect on the label.  I was excited to purchase more Jack Johnson items in the future, but after this experience I will not be purchasing any more items from your company. I have already let others know not to purchase anything from Merch Lackey. The customer service I received was poor, unprofessional and shows that Merch Lackey doesn’t care enough about their customers, like me, to get my order or address right the first time.

Sincerely,

Alexandra Lozano

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A Day in the Life

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June 30th, 2010 Posted 4:48 pm

Screw you, June!

It’s finally the last day of June, which is good because June was pretty fucked up–with the exception of my hatch day and the Luau and a few other occasions. Today was just as lame. For the first time in 2 weeks I was actually on time to work. Not just on time, but totally decked out: I had my hair straightened, foundation powdered on, and eyes perfectly lined in a Cleopatra meets Bettie Page sexiness and sporting my new bling, a shiny owl-shaped ring. But my stupid stomach would not stop  grumbling. Its swishy-swashy sounds intensified and my breakfast threatened to escape.

So I went home to sleep in peace.

Except, I live with 2 really needy felines who walked on me, stuck their faces in my face, meowed loudly and tackled each other. After a lunch of plain tomato soup and Hawaiian bread, I settled down on my favorite island (the couch) and watched Amadeus, probably one of my favorite movies.

And then the sadness sunk in.

A scene of Amadeus’s  madness after the sudden death of his father made me miss my own mother, who is currently in her 4th week of hospitalization. I can’t even go visit her until evening visiting hours or even call her to tell her that I’m sick and that I miss her. So I tried to nap it off. But I kept thinking about it: my own parents, others’ parents and Amadeus and his struggle with his own father. My father has become like a ghost the past few months and my mom is certifiable. Even for my birthday, my parents seemed more like memories than parents.

At 24, the only gift my parents can give me is a lifetime of guilt and stress. Well, that’s not going to make my stomach feel better.

And so I’m home on one of the days where it’s a billion degrees outside. I’m too tired to sleep. My make-up smeared from my earlier nap and now i have a chola-like design below one of my eyes. Nice. I’m too dizzy to get in my car and pick up some awesome nourishment that is One World. And all I keep thinking is, “I want to go home.” Except, I am already home and I’m not feeling any better than I did this morning.

Time for the only remedy I know for a sucky day–a punk rock sing-along and extensive cooking. Take that, upstairs neighbors.

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Alternate endings

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June 29th, 2010 Posted 6:50 pm

Joey hates Harry Potter so much, that he has written his own creative endings to the Harry Potter series:

1. The whole series was a dream some guy in a coma was having, then he wakes up to a rumble in the hospital, which is an earthquake and the place collapses, killing him. The End.

2. A large dragon swoops in and eats all the characters in Smogwarts and flies away. The End.

3. Harry potter accidentally shoots Snape in the face with his magic wand and goes to prison, where he gets butt raped and murdered in the magic shower. The End

But Candice has a different approach to how the series ends:

The whole series was a “what might have been” because Harry’s mom actually had an abortion and he never existed. Nick goes “and when Harry’s mom woke up from the anesthesia, the abortion was done.” The End.

Yea….

Probably, that is not how the series ends, but it was a good laugh.

I am currently reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire ( HP#4) and I’ve only seen movies 1-4. My goal is to read all the books and watch all the movies before the new one comes out in November. I’ve been reading The Harry Potter series since March, so I feel pretty good about my progress. I did have one of those embarrassing moments when Prisoner of Azkaban was so intense and shocking that I gasped and startled the people around me.

But now the trailer for #7 is out and everyone has been posting it or commenting on it and I’m trying to avoid looking at it, so that it doesn’t ruin the previous books or movies for me. Instead I watched this video, starring Miss Hermoine herself, Emma Watson.

It has an ending that may rival Joey’s—or at least leave you thoroughly confused or annoyed that you had to sit through all 4 minutes of it. Hint: Watching it on mute helps.

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Guest Spotlight: Candice’s Rewrite

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May 30th, 2010 Posted 12:30 am

Here is Candice’s  rewrite submision for Galley Cat’s World’s Longest Literary Remix Joe’s Luck: Always Wide Awake by Horatio Alger.

“How much did you make?”

“I shall reveal my fortune to you.”Hogan’s hand held humbly a hefty heap of cash.

He vowed it was a simple task to bring the bread, but not to ask.

Mystified and wide-eyed Joe stared at Hogan’s handful.

Joe let on that he did not believe the fortune was brought on so easily.

“I placed my bets and this is what I intended to get.”

“Oh!” said Joe, who was frightened by the gambling guy.

“C’mon man, come try your hand,” said Hogan. “Even cutting cheese isn’t easier than racking in these Gs”

“That may be a breeze,” said Joe, “But I think I am better at cutting cheese.”

“Oh, fuddy dud, you need to live it up!”

“Why do I have to waste my mind with a bunch of poker-faced mimes? ”

“Fine, B.K., have it your way. I cannot afford to lose, and take my chances I will.”

“I don’t see discretion as to your activities and what they may be” said Joe.

“What do you mean?” inquired Hogan suspiciously.

“I know you know what I mean,” said Joe. “Your method of getting money in New York, you know the way you made your dough on the boat ride over.”

“You know what?” Hogan was addressing Joe with the most intimidation he could muster. “I don’t need your lip. You are about to find out what a hardass I am. I’m one tough cookie, and one tough customer.” Hogan might have been a tough cookie, but his expression said more sissy girl than anything.

“I don’t doubt it,” said Joe.

“Watch your back, and don’t talk smack! I ain’t going to have you hating on me, and I guarantee I will protect myself, whatever that may entail. You feel me?”

“I think I do, Mr. Hogan, but I don’t feel particularly alarmed.”

Joe got up and walked out. The only thought on his brain was his insane hunger. He thought of the place where he took supper but was deterred from going there by the high prices.

Pretty awesome stuff, I have to say Hogan really knows how to talk to the ladies.  I’d like to see a poetry slam between him and Joe.

-Alex

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